Financial Red Flags: Are YOU the problem?

Not to stir the pot, but you may be more of a problem than you think 🙈 if you're a financial diva who blames everyone + the cat, I highly recommend tuning into this episode of Happy, Healthy, and Wealthy.

Brew your favorite tea (or coffee) and keep your mind open - that's all I ask! Listen/watch here, on YouTube or Spotify, or just read the transcript below. And let me know your thoughts: are you the problem 😈 or are you innocent of all charges 😇?

Are you the problem? Find out on this week's episode of happy, Healthy and Wealthy.

Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Happy, Healthy and Healthy. If you're new here, my name is Nicole. I'm the host of this podcast and the founder of Mindful Money Media, a company that is dedicated to promoting financial wellness and literacy to everyone, especially women. And I'm so excited that you are joining this, that you're listening, watching wherever it may be.

Be sure to, you know, give a little like, subscribe and comment. Share all those good things. I would really appreciate it. I am super excited to get into today's episode, and if you clicked on the title and you're like, red flags? Am I the problem? What is going on here? Yeah. So this episode is going to be fun for me, but it might test some of y'all out there who really don't think that you have issues.

And I'm here to challenge that. Not in a mean way, but in a big sister way. And just point out things that maybe you can fix and work on in order to become a better version of yourself and improve your finances, because that really is the goal, right? To have better finances, have a better overall life, and I'm here to just give you a little nudge to do so in not a mean way, I promise.

So if you are someone who is struggling financially and you just can't seem to get ahead, but you always have an excuse as to why, I really want you, despite what you may feel like, you might just want to click off of this video. I want you to try your very hardest to pay extra attention to what I am saying because in most likely applies to you the most and you are most likely the reason why you are broke.

I know that it is hard to hear. It might sting a little and it may seem harsh for me to tell you that you are the problem. You are the reason. And I get that. But at the same time, I know I was a problem for myself and my situation, and I think a lot of people, it's hard for us to recognize when we are the ones in the wrong.

So let's get into it. We're going to go through this, and I'm going to talk about a few different red flags that I want you to look out for in your habits and your behaviors. And we're going to do this so you can stop blaming your parents or blaming your ex, or blaming your cat for all of your bad financial decisions and start taking some accountability.

And I do want to preface this by saying that, of course, there are always going to be external circumstances that are not within your control, whether it's the general economy, you know, with the interest rates in the job market and all of those things or personal circumstances and situations, you know, such as growing up in poverty or leaving an abusive relationship.

And a lot of times in those situations, you have to start over from scratch and it can be really, really difficult. So I don't want to minimize those circumstances or try to shame or blame anyone for those things. That's not what I'm here to do. I think that acknowledging those external circumstances, whether it's personal or just, you know, the general economy is important for context, but focusing on them too long can also be harmful.

If you continue to focus on those things instead of the things that you can actually control, because that's where your power is going to come in. Getting lost in what you can't control is an absolute surefire way to never make any progress. That all being said, my job here is to give you actionable insights into your habits and your behaviors and your mindset so you can actually change and start feeling empowered instead of victimized. And sometimes the best way to do that is to learn how to admit when you are the problem.

If the only time no enters your vocabulary is to say no regrets, you have a problem. You have no boundaries with yourself or with other people, and you're constantly going to be treating yourself for no reason. You see it. You like it. You get it all in the name of self-care. It's on sale. You buy it. You had a bad day. You buy it. You had a good day. You buy it. Your lack of self-control is hurting you financially. You're overspending, probably racking up credit card debt. And it's all because you don't have any boundaries. I know that it can be really hard to save them, especially if you're a people pleaser.

Setting boundaries with other people can be really hard. And I know this because I'm historically bad at setting boundaries. Like in any aspect of my life. And for a while I was also really bad at setting boundaries with myself. I would make a promise to myself and not keep it, not follow through. And that led to a lot of distrust and being the type of person who can't say no to yourself is not a good thing, especially when it comes to money and buying things.

So whatever I wanted, I just bought because I had no self-control and I thought to myself, why should I limit myself? No one else is putting these restrictions on me. I can do whatever I want, so why shouldn't I? And maybe you're someone who's thinking the same thing, right? Why should I limit myself? Why should I feel restricted? It's my card. I can do what I want. It's my money. I can buy what I want.

But here's what I would tell you. When you spend whatever you want, whenever you want, you might feel less restricted in the moment because you're giving in to whatever desire you have at that point, and you may feel happier. You may feel less anxious, whatever it is, when you are completing that transaction, and you have that item in your hands and you bring it home with you. Those feelings are fleeting. But what is not fleeting are the consequences of those actions. So if you are putting yourself into debt, if you're overspending, you're living above your means. Those consequences will very quickly catch up to you.

And additionally, you are limiting your future options when you are putting yourself in these situations. Now, I'm not going to tell you that you can never spend any money on anything fun or things that you like, because I don't believe that that's effective. But if you are not budgeting and you have set limits on these things, and you are going above what you should be spending and spending money that could be saved or invested, you are robbing yourself.

You are robbing future you of the money that you could have been saving or investing now. And having grow over years and years. Because when you really think about it, that expensive car that you can't afford or you know, those shiny halls or whatever, they're not going to be looking too good when you're 65 with no retirement fund.

Just going to say that for some perspective, because you are choosing now the present over future. You and I know that it can be very, very easy to get caught up in the present, especially if you're young. I'm in my 20s, I know a lot of other people in their 20s and it's very easy to think of yourself as invincible or immortal or any of these things or, you know, look at the world around you and be like, well, the world is probably going to end.

So what does any of this matter? You want to enjoy life now? So if the world is going to end anyway, why bother, right? Well, because what if it doesn't? If you are wrong and the world doesn't end, then what? I think this is a very important point to consider, especially if you're all YOLO. Let me spend all my money because nothing matters anymore.

But what if it does? Because honestly, if the world ends, nothing matters anyway. We're all going to be gone. Money means nothing. So yeah, but if it doesn't and you don't have any money, then you're screwed. So I think it's important to consider that fact, and also the fact that you can enjoy life while building for the future.

I think it can be helpful to think of spending money like being on a diet. So if you only eat junk food and that's it, you only eat junk food. You're going to feel like crap. Your body, your mind, everything. It's going to be harmed by all this junk food. But if you incorporate healthy foods, you're going to feel better.

This doesn't mean that you can't have junk food in moderation. So it's the same way with your spending. You have your basic needs, your wants, and then your short and long term goals, and you just have to balance them out. A balanced financial diet includes all of these in balanced portions. 28% of Americans have $1,000 or less in emergency savings.

If this is you, you are far from prepared to handle an emergency situation. What happens if your car needs repairs or you need a completely new one? Or you lose your job and you still have to pay your bills, or if something happens and you end up in the hospital, if your answer if your solution is some kind of debt, whether it's putting it on a credit card or taking out a personal loan, or borrowing from a friend or family member, that is not a solution.

First of all, bad plan. Second of all, don't do that. Putting yourself in more debt in an emergency situation isn't a solution. It's creating another problem for yourself. A problem with interest. More debt to pay off is another obstacle keeping you from more meaningful goals, like being able to say yes to opportunities that make life worth living. You know, like moving to a new city or taking a month off to travel.

You are essentially stealing all of these wonderful things from yourself by not being prepared and going further into debt and sure, you could argue that you could ignore this debt. Go and do most of these things anyway, but you're probably just going to be relying on even more debt, and that's not a good feeling. And it's not a good financial situation to be in. It's very precarious.

But I don't want you to fret, because even though that the best time to build an emergency fund was yesterday, the second best time is today. Whether it's five, ten, twenty dollars a month, just start small, start somewhere. This money adds up. But even more importantly, it helps you build the habit of saving. You can even set up automatic transfers and have it sent somewhere that's not easy for you to access, like a savings account or something that you don't really touch, and then you don't even have to think about it.

It's automatic, and you're building savings without any extra thought behind it. And that makes it a lot easier when there is no friction. I'm not saying that you have to have six months of expenses saved up by tomorrow, but I think it's important that you start preparing for things that are most likely going to happen eventually at some point, because life always finds a way of happening and of happening at the worst possible times, usually.

So preparation gives you options. And when it comes to your personal finances, options equals power. If I asked you where does your money go? And your answer is something along the lines of I'm not sure or probably Uber Eats. Then we have a problem not knowing where your money is going or what you're spending your money on does nothing to help you.

It can lead you to overspend and live above your means, and spend way too much on things that you don't actually need or are meaningful to you. And the problem is, if you don't have the numbers in front of you, how are you going to know? You can't fix a problem that you don't know about and remaining ignorant to your finances and not tracking your spending or having a budget will keep you from ever finding a solution.

Budgeting is meant to be freeing, not restricting. So I want to dispel any, you know, beliefs that a budget restricts you, because I promise that it doesn't. Budgeting does, however, help you bring awareness and intention to your spending, and that is going to make it a lot easier to make choices that are actually in line with your goals.

Think of a budget as a you're not going to go take a road trip without any directions, not knowing where you're going. So you are going to find it very hard to reach financial freedom without some kind of map. And a lot of times that map comes in the form of a budget. It may not sound sexy.

Budget: Not the sexiest word I know, but neither is being broke forever. And I think that it's important to choose your hard. Budgeting is hard, but so is living paycheck to paycheck and being broke. Pick your heart. Just stop guessing and start acting. Do you find ways to justify your bad habits? Do you blame others for your poor decision making skills, such as your parents or your ex? Do you fail to take responsibility for your spending? Continuing to play the blame game is not going to help you in the long run.

You are deflecting accountability and preventing yourself from making changes that are actually going to help you. And sure, yes. Maybe your parents never taught you how to manage your money. Maybe your ex tanked your credit. Maybe your job doesn't pay you enough. But if you don't move beyond the victimhood of these things happen to me and start taking control over the situation, you're going to be stuck there.

And don't get me wrong, I know that blame can feel very good in the moment. It makes us feel better to believe that it is someone else's fault, and that there is nothing that we could have done differently. It takes the burden of having to change off of our shoulders, and this might help alleviate some emotions in the short term, but it is really robbing you of your power and your autonomy, your own authority over yourself and your life. You can hold space for whatever has happened to you and still take responsibility for what to do next.

The beautiful thing is that no matter what has happened to you in the past, you have the power and the control to choose what you do next. You don't have to be at fault to take control, and that is what real growth and maturity looks like.

If your only financial goal is to not be broke, it's time to raise the bar. You deserve more than the bare minimum. Whether it's from some sleazy guy that you met on a dating app or your finances not being broke is a great starting point, and a lot of people have to start there, but it is not the end of your journey. You need a vision to move forward. So ask yourself, what do I want my money to do for me?

And I'm not saying that you have to have any big or crazy goals for them to be valid. If you don't want to have a luxury car or buy designer bags or live in a really big house, you don't have to. That's totally fine. You can choose any goal that you want, but think about what is meaningful to you.

Do you value travel? Do you want to go and take a couple months or a year and just travel the world? Do you value family spending time with your kids? Being able to pay for their college. Being able to retire your parents? Do you value owning your own home? Retiring early? Anything like that? I think it's really important to have value based goals, because they're going to be more in line with who you are as a person and what is going to make your life feel meaningful to you.

Rather than trying to have goals that impress other people. Once you have determined your goals and what matters to you, then you can sort of reverse engineer a plan. This doesn't mean that you have to have everything mapped out in a complicated spreadsheet, but you can if you want to. It just means that you find a place to start and take action, because goals without action are just dreams.

So are you the problem? Maybe. But the good news is, if you are the problem, then you are the solution. If you have exhibited any of these financial red flags, don't worry, you are not a bad person. You're human. This happens to pretty much every single person on the planet ever. So you're not alone. But what is super important is being able to recognize them and do better.

Progress isn't going to happen overnight, but it does start when you take accountability. Set boundaries and start being intentional. Doesn't have to be complicated. Start where you are with what you have now and go from there. Let me know in the comments if you think you are the problem in your own life. I know I was. So that's that's one right there. Let's see how many we can get to.

So you've got this. And as always, I am here to help. Don't forget to, like, subscribe. You know, the whole spiel and thank you so much for watching and or listening to this episode. I really appreciate it. I love all of you and I will see you next time. Bye!